The Love Dare - Love is Not Selfish Love is Thoughtful
Day 3 Dare: Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your significant other something that says, "I was thinking of you today."
Day 4 Dare: Contact your significant other sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Our appearances, feelings, and personal desires have been taught by our culture to be the top priority in our lives, a world enamored with "self". However, when bringing another into our lives through a committed relationship can be dangerous when living by the desires of our culture. Selfish actions are seen in children and adults by the way others are mistreated. When you point this out to another you are really pointing it out in yourself. Without pointing that finger around to self you are only being hypocritical about your partners selfish acts. We accept the low standards of ourselves but expect high expectations of another. We are all selfish!
When we put our own interests, desires, and priorities in front of our partners then we are being selfish. Even when we do something nice that in the end gives you bragging rights or manipulates your partner, this is being selfish. "The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself." When you say no to what you want and yes to your partner you act from love. You can still experience happiness through the happiness of your partner because love leads to inner joy. A partner will truly know when you are acting from love instead of selfishness. You will then loose yourself to the greater purpose of the partnership. But if it is hard for you to sacrifice your own desires then there is a deeper problem with selfishness that only you can admit.
Questions to ask yourself on page 13 from the book, The Love Dare:
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves" Philippians 2:3
Loving thoughts become actions like the emotional waves that run through us when thinking of our partner. Remember when you first met your partner and fell in love, all the thoughts and well planned out visuals that ran through your thoughts. You rehearsed what to say, what you would wear, how you would speak, where you would go, or how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person. You found yourself telling this person that you could not stop thinking about them.
But this typically changes after winning the man or woman. At this point, we feel that we have done what is needed and can carry on with our lives as we had before entering into partnership with this person. We can have the same wants, desires, and priorities in life. However, you have added another person into the mix of your future and when you start ignoring the wants, desires, and priorities of this other person your universe begins to change. You find yourself not only remembering things for yourself but also for another such as, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and events that include both of you. When you begin leaving this person out of the mix things start to stir the pot, so to speak. When you bring thoughtfulness into the picture of your partnership you are presented with great opportunities of demonstrating your love for the other person, an extension of yourself.
Men struggle with thoughtfulness while women struggle with reading between the lines with hints. A man can give full attention to one thing and forget about the rest of the world while a woman is multi-conscious giving attention to many different things at one time. Women think about how something will affect everyone else in the picture as a whole while the man is point blank on one thing. This is not to say that men are selfish, it's just how they are wired to focus attention on one thing and be good at it. "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" Genesis 2:18
Men think in terms of, "this is how it is" while women can read into something and make more out of the story. Women hint about what they want while men just say what they want. This is what leads into misunderstandings in relationships. And when a couple doesn't understand this about each other things can really get out of hand and spark into flames. A man get's frustrated about all the riddles while the woman wonders why a man is so inconsiderate.
Love requires thoughtfulness from both sides to build a bridge of patience, kindness, and selflessness. With love you learn how to meet in the middle with respect and appreciation for the others unique thoughts. "A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another." Engage your mind before engaging your lips.
Questions from the book page 18, The Love Dare:
On my way home I picked up a truck and car magazine because I knew how much he enjoyed reading them. This was my way of saying I was thinking of him. He was very happy with his gift and looked through one of them over dinner. David's gift to me was a DVD rental from the library, Beginners Latin Dancing. I knew he had been listening to me as I've been talking about learning couple's Latin Dancing. (Hint, hint, read between the lines.) Later this evening we did discuss the morning plan changes and how I felt he should have been upfront instead of making a promise he knew he couldn't keep. This also presented an opportunity for me to understand that he truly did not understand how he could help me because I was not clear on my intentions and wanted him to read between the lines. At first he did not want to discuss what had happened that morning, which is a typical thing he tends to go on with things as if nothing has happened, all is well and good. This is the linear side of a man kicking in, it's done it's over with let's move on, when in a woman's mind, we want to talk about it and then we can move on.
Well enough personal stuff for now, David's not too keen on me being open about our love dares through the blog but everyone goes through it. It's when you can meet in the middle and move forward in live with your love. And we do this, everyday!
Kandi Phillips
www.AwakenYourSpace.com
www.LiveYourIntention.com
www.KandiPhillips.com
Day 4 Dare: Contact your significant other sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Our appearances, feelings, and personal desires have been taught by our culture to be the top priority in our lives, a world enamored with "self". However, when bringing another into our lives through a committed relationship can be dangerous when living by the desires of our culture. Selfish actions are seen in children and adults by the way others are mistreated. When you point this out to another you are really pointing it out in yourself. Without pointing that finger around to self you are only being hypocritical about your partners selfish acts. We accept the low standards of ourselves but expect high expectations of another. We are all selfish!
When we put our own interests, desires, and priorities in front of our partners then we are being selfish. Even when we do something nice that in the end gives you bragging rights or manipulates your partner, this is being selfish. "The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself." When you say no to what you want and yes to your partner you act from love. You can still experience happiness through the happiness of your partner because love leads to inner joy. A partner will truly know when you are acting from love instead of selfishness. You will then loose yourself to the greater purpose of the partnership. But if it is hard for you to sacrifice your own desires then there is a deeper problem with selfishness that only you can admit.
Questions to ask yourself on page 13 from the book, The Love Dare:
- Do I truly want what's best for my partner?
- Do I want them to feel loved by me?
- Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?
- Do they see me as looking out for myself first?
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves" Philippians 2:3
Loving thoughts become actions like the emotional waves that run through us when thinking of our partner. Remember when you first met your partner and fell in love, all the thoughts and well planned out visuals that ran through your thoughts. You rehearsed what to say, what you would wear, how you would speak, where you would go, or how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person. You found yourself telling this person that you could not stop thinking about them.
But this typically changes after winning the man or woman. At this point, we feel that we have done what is needed and can carry on with our lives as we had before entering into partnership with this person. We can have the same wants, desires, and priorities in life. However, you have added another person into the mix of your future and when you start ignoring the wants, desires, and priorities of this other person your universe begins to change. You find yourself not only remembering things for yourself but also for another such as, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and events that include both of you. When you begin leaving this person out of the mix things start to stir the pot, so to speak. When you bring thoughtfulness into the picture of your partnership you are presented with great opportunities of demonstrating your love for the other person, an extension of yourself.
Men struggle with thoughtfulness while women struggle with reading between the lines with hints. A man can give full attention to one thing and forget about the rest of the world while a woman is multi-conscious giving attention to many different things at one time. Women think about how something will affect everyone else in the picture as a whole while the man is point blank on one thing. This is not to say that men are selfish, it's just how they are wired to focus attention on one thing and be good at it. "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" Genesis 2:18
Men think in terms of, "this is how it is" while women can read into something and make more out of the story. Women hint about what they want while men just say what they want. This is what leads into misunderstandings in relationships. And when a couple doesn't understand this about each other things can really get out of hand and spark into flames. A man get's frustrated about all the riddles while the woman wonders why a man is so inconsiderate.
Love requires thoughtfulness from both sides to build a bridge of patience, kindness, and selflessness. With love you learn how to meet in the middle with respect and appreciation for the others unique thoughts. "A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another." Engage your mind before engaging your lips.
Questions from the book page 18, The Love Dare:
- When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse?
- What immediate need can you meet?
- What's the next event you could be preparing for? Anniversary, birthday, holiday?
On my way home I picked up a truck and car magazine because I knew how much he enjoyed reading them. This was my way of saying I was thinking of him. He was very happy with his gift and looked through one of them over dinner. David's gift to me was a DVD rental from the library, Beginners Latin Dancing. I knew he had been listening to me as I've been talking about learning couple's Latin Dancing. (Hint, hint, read between the lines.) Later this evening we did discuss the morning plan changes and how I felt he should have been upfront instead of making a promise he knew he couldn't keep. This also presented an opportunity for me to understand that he truly did not understand how he could help me because I was not clear on my intentions and wanted him to read between the lines. At first he did not want to discuss what had happened that morning, which is a typical thing he tends to go on with things as if nothing has happened, all is well and good. This is the linear side of a man kicking in, it's done it's over with let's move on, when in a woman's mind, we want to talk about it and then we can move on.
Well enough personal stuff for now, David's not too keen on me being open about our love dares through the blog but everyone goes through it. It's when you can meet in the middle and move forward in live with your love. And we do this, everyday!
Kandi Phillips
www.AwakenYourSpace.com
www.LiveYourIntention.com
www.KandiPhillips.com
Posted by Awaken Your Space LLC at 02-02-2010 
Categories: Love Dare
Tags: women brain love dare kendrick partnership mark gungor desire fireproof emotion marriage couple selfish romantic men brain thoughtgul
Categories: Love Dare
Tags: women brain love dare kendrick partnership mark gungor desire fireproof emotion marriage couple selfish romantic men brain thoughtgul
Sometimes I feel like I give more than I recieve, but when I stop and think about it, we are equal in our giving. That is what helps contribute to a solid relationship.
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Let’s be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the. Whereas this can be benefit him in that one arena, it can make him overlook other things that need his attention.
A woman, on the other hand, is more multi-conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isn’t helping all simultaneously.
Love requires thoughtfulness on both sides the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selfishness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.
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It's obviously what I am looking for , thank you for information , cheer!
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