Day 7 Dare:  Get two sheets of paper.  Write positive things about your partner on sheet one and negative things on sheet two. Point out one positive attribute from the positive list and thank your partner for having this characteristic.  Put the sheets away.
Day 8 Dare:  Determine to be your partners biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy.  Take Day 7's list of negative things and burn it.  Tell your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Being a visual person, I love Day 7's depiction of two different rooms that we store in our heart.  In the Appreciation Room we store feelings that are positive and encouraging about our partner.  We visit this room periodically, however at the beginning stages of a relationship you visited this room all the time.  Within this room, the walls are filled with kind words and phrases describing all the good things about your partner.  This could be words such as; honest, intelligent, diligent worker, wonderful cook, beautiful eyes, etc.   These words are discoveries that you found and picked up along the way during your time together.  Possibly, you have lost touch with this room but it IS there!  Sit quietly away from everyone else, close your eyes, and dig deep into the depths of your heart.  Think about all the wonderful positive attributes your partner possesses.  With practice, you will be able to see the light in the Appreciation room.  If this room seems like it's down a long dark corridor that's because you have been visiting another room far too long!

In the Depreciation Room, the walls might be filled with words that are negative, hurtful, unpleasant, and downright ugly.  Things that are irritating or bothersome to you are stored in this room.  This is the room that you visit when you look for the weaknesses, failures, bad habits, or hurtful words.  You store your ammunition here for the next big argument.  Statements are rehearsed and put away in this room as a way to build up your plot to win that next big argument.  If you've been thinking about divorce, this is where you've stored the steps to make it happen.  If your at this point, then this room is getting LOTS of attention from you.  This room is filled with light while the Appreciation Room is looking a little dim.  And you may say that the things you have stored here are true but so are the things stored in the Appreciation Room. 

Take time today to write, "COVERED IN LOVE" on the walls of the Depreciation Room.  When you start visiting the Appreciation Room the light will shine bright here once again.  Have fun and sit a while in the Appreciation Room.  Even if you think they don't deserve it, only you can make the decision to take up residence in this room.  Make it a beautiful room once again, it was in the past, why not now?

Jealousy is one of the strongest feelings we have all felt.  It's like a virus burning through your veins. "Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?" Proverbs 27:4
According to the book, The Love Dare, there are two forms of jealousy; legitimate and illegitimate.  One is based upon love while the other is based upon envy.  When you see your partner with another you spark legitimate jealousy because you are longing to have back what you no longer have.  In the book, The Love Dare, it discusses how the Bible describes God as being righteously jealous for humans.  Not that he wants what we have but he longs for us, he desires for us to keep him as our first love. "The lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." Deuteronomy 4:24

Selfishness is rooted in illegitimate jealousy when we are moved by envy.  Are you jealous of your neighbors, co-workers, a family member, or maybe your partner?  This causes time spent on hatred towards this person and bitterness that blocks you from your own success.  It's human nature to want others to succeed but only if their success is not more than your own.  This can be painful if you are a very selfish person.  "Instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and think ill of them."  Jealousy can consume every living cell within your body if you don't learn how diffuse the anger and in turn learn how to love others.  When you radiate from love you are appreciative and thankful for all that surrounds you, even if another seems to have more than you.  But having more does not make them better than you because anything good that surrounds you is a catalyst for more to enter into your life.  Love is not selfish and refuses to let jealousy in through the door.  A partner that is more successful should be celebrated and applauded for working hard and giving so much to the world through their efforts.  Remember, behind every successful person is another successful person, they did not become successful without those around them!!  

Our Love Dare:
David's list of the Appreciation Room:
Kandi is my soul mate.  She is beautiful, smart, funny, patient, and compassionate.
She is a loving wife, mother, daughter, and sister.
She has great passion and dedication.
*I love her holistic approach to life.* The number one positive attribute.
I enjoy waking up and find myself lucky to spend a new day with her.

Kandi's list of the Appreciation Room:
David is loving, smart, funny, positive, adorable, patient, and gentle.
He is friendly, a team motivator, conscientious, detail oriented, and focused.
*He cares deeply about humanity and the future of others.* The number one positive attribute.
He is passionate, happy, inspiring, and I'm impressed by all that he does.
He is verbally astute, and a great engineer.
I feel truly blessed to have him in my life each day!

Our Depreciation list for each other only had two items.  We did not share them with each other because we are going to burn them tomorrow night after our HOT date! Yes, he asked me out on a date.  I'm so excited and will let it be a surprise.  So there will not be a blog tomorrow night.  I will be busy with my soul mate!

When David and I read our lists to each other we are finding consistencies in what we love about one another.  We also know what we need to work on and understand that it does not happen over night.  Fortunately, we have been making changes over the last few years by really listening to one another.  This all came about after an event with family members that happened about four years ago.  Blame cannot be placed on one person because we all had lessons to learn.  It's funny because one of my friends posted this on Facebook today: Sometimes in life its better not to get involved in others affairs... In the end....Remember you end up being the bad one. This had a lot to do with the event that almost broke up our marriage but in the end David and I are stronger.  I humbly thank those that plotted against us because it made our marriage grow!

Would you like to try The Love Dare?  We are not an affiliate with this book but you can get it here.

Kandi Phillips
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